Roux 1

It was a Tuesday when Kim first realised that she was in love with Roux. She called him Roux because he reminded her of the gypsy in Chocalat, partly because of his red hair, and partly because he had a certain enigmatic quality that she couldn't quite pin down. He came accross very straightforward and then once you knew him there was something that implied that he would probably make a very good gypsy, always moving, taking life as it came. He was down to earth, but Kim always got the sense that his sould was up in the air, not quite sure where to settle, perhaps not really wanting to, but she also got the sense that there weren't many people who could see that.

Kim was a pragmatist. At least, Kim appeared to be a pragmatist to everybody else; all rational and reasonable and sensible when in fact most of the time, inside she was struggling and sinking. But then, of course, no one else knew that. Perhaps this was why she loved Roux, because he wasn't really what he seemed to be, just like she wasn't, and she thought she could see him, understand him, or at least understand that she wasn't meant to understand him, and that made her more inclined to love him.

Roux was a friend of a friend, at least that was how Kim met him. He worked in an office, which was very unlike his true nature, but then, so did she, and that was so very unlike hers. All of Kim's friends worked in offices, apart from the ones who didn't work, or the ones that were still students, but unlike her, it suited them, she thought. Kim didn't like to be alone with Roux at first. She didn't like to be alone with anyone she didn't really know, having to keep the conversation going but trying not to say anything stupid.

Kim was one of those people that has to fill up the silences, the gaps in every conversation, lest there be any awkwardness, although this was often very counterproductive. Perhaps one of the biggest reasons she and Roux got on was because he was the same. He would say things way beyond the necessary, just for the sake of it. Whilst Kim worried that she might say something silly and look stupid, Roux didn't care. No, Roux went beyond not caring, he actively sought the line that oughtn't be crossed and bounded joyfully over it just so that people would pay attention.

Kim remembers when her boss joined them after work for drinks one evening. Kim's boss had a very similar way of attracting attention to himself as Roux, but he was cruder, funnier and had a better sense of where to stop. That night she could sense the competition between them and no one else could. It was like they were battling for everone's approval. Kim's boss one and Roux backed down, dejected. Kim was glad he didn't know the things that people said about him behind her back.

One day, and Kim wasn't quite sure what happened, everything fell into place. Roux became a confidant, and for Kim, that was a position seldom proffered. They stopped having to fill each others' silences and things became much easier. Kim liked that.

When she realised that she loved him, on a mediochre, sunny spelled afternoon in October, Kim began to suspect that this has been going on without her knowledge for a while now. There had been that time at Sophie's dinner party when she had looked accross the room in a red wine haze and thought how much she'd really like to kiss him, a thought that had never even occurred to her before. She had imagined him telling her he had feelings for her. She would hold out to make him want her more and then give in. Then there had been that actual kiss. That very, very drunken kiss that had caught her off guard even though sh'ed been wanting it. They never mentioned it between them.

It was a Friday that Kim realised she couldn't be with him. Kim, being sensible, just knew that that it would never work, in that clicheed old way. He wouldn't talk to her. She'd get frustrated and they'd argue. Kim also had that horrible feeling that he didn't want her anyway. Kim also knew, being pragmatic, that just carrying on, just accepting that she loved him wasn't going to work either. She needed to get over it and she needed to get over it fast.

It was a Monday when Kim came up with a plan of how she was going to fall out of love with Roux. Not seeing him would never work. They had the same friends and they worked next door to each other. True, sometimes she would go for weeks on end not seeing him and not actually missing him that muh, but not seeing him indefinately was too much. Who knew when the feelings were going to disappear. There wasn't really any question of her finding someone else and transferring them over. When it came to relationships, Kim took what she could get rather than actively sought them. She stalwartly believed that if the time was right, something would come along, and that time really wasn't right.

It was another friend that gave Kim the idea of how to get over Roux. She had told no one about the kiss or the love but that woudn't last long. Once it wasn't so raw, she'd tell Sophie, but it was Sophie's cousin who solved the problem without knowig it. Sophie's cousin Rachel met them for lunch on a Thursday. She was one of those strong women, a little bit like Kim as far as everyone else was concerned, except that she wasn't because Kim was different inside. She liked to make men fall in love with her, which Kim probably would have quite liked to be able to do as well but she only had a limited amount of that kind of power. Rachel had made a man fall in love with her who she didn't want, but he wanted her. So Rachel found someone else and the man realised that he wasn't in love with her anymore.

It seemed so simple to Kim. If she could find another woman who would have Roux, then she would be able to cure herself of this weakening affliction. If Roux was with someone else, then Kim couldn't have him: problem solved.